Thursday, September 27, 2012

"Can You Do Your Thing So I Can Have Some?"

Lately, I'm contemplating working three jobs to support Hunter's appetite. It's exploded lately and he's hungry all the time! It's right on schedule, given he's 11 years old now. He's got a particular weakness for bread, and nothing stands a chance coming between him and his favorite food. Not even a holy sacrament.

Hunter's hunger to  learn more about church and spirituality seems as acute as his physical hunger has been. Those two basic needs collided at church Sunday evening. Hunter started Rite 13 classes at our church and those classes overlap a bit with our Sunday evening service. I've been attending the evening service and asked Hunter to join us when his class finished.

Hunter arrived just before Holy Communion. I thank God that our service in the evening is small and much less formal than morning services because Hunter came in ravenous. He spotted the bread on the altar and immediately asked Rev. Valerie if he could have some. It went something like this:

"Reverend Valerie, can I have some of that bread?" Hunter made his request in his most charming manner, persuading her with his disarming smile and an irresistible twinkle in his gorgeous blue eyes.
Hunter's hungry for more than just food

Reverend Valerie, in her most patient voice answered, "Sure, Hunter, but I have to consecrate it first."

My not so suave son replied rather impatiently, "Okay. Well, can you do your thing so I can have some?"

Reverend Valerie remained dignified and I was trying not to crawl under the table upon which the communion was being placed. We went ahead with the traditional blessings and invitation to come to the table to partake in communion. Reverend Valerie smiled and broke off half the bread and passed it to Hunter (it was not a typical wafer, but more the size of a silver dollar pancake). He knew he hit the jackpot and dipped it in the wine as though he were having cookies and milk. I took some solace that at least he remembered to say "Amen" as she offered it to him.

She winked and told me, "I've always wanted to do that." After communion was served to the others at the service, Hunter even got to finish the remaining bread. I told him after church that it was the holiest snack he'd ever have in his young life. 

I'm proud of my son and his enthusiasm for learning more about our church and how it can help him frame his spirituality. And, in addition to being blessed to put food on the table for him and the rest of our family, I'm also blessed to have a wonderful church home in which he can satisfy his hunger for understanding God's place in his life. Add to that, a gifted priest with a sense of humor and a child of her own so she can empathize with the comic adventures we encounter during our parenting journey. I can't help but believe  Christ Himself was smiling down at us during that service, laughing at the innocence and honesty children have.

Witnessing Hunter's journey into adulthood reinforces my conviction that divinity binds us all together regardless of the facets of our lives that make us different from one another. Some would say my family doesn't deserve a seat at God's table because we are family headed by same sex parents. I know in my heart that sentiment couldn't be farther from the truth. If you doubt that, I hope one day you can meet my children and see how blessed we all are that they are in this world.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

"Mom, I think we're the most holy of the Graffams"

Late this summer, I took advantage of an unusual long lunch break and took Hunter to Wendy's. It was one of those rare moments when Skye was at summer camp and I had Hunter all to myself without the typical distractions that both of us juggle. Mine being instant messages, phone calls and computers, and his being his Wii and iPad and "The Regular Show."

During that lunch, we got on the topic of our church and the J2A and Rite 13 classes that would start this month. Since about February of this year, Hunter has shown an avid interest in the church and our faith and the "suspenseful" stories in his Children's Bedtime Bible stories book. As I read them to him at bedtime, it's reminiscent of Grimm's Fairytales. We're still in the Old Testament, and it's focused on God's dark side; as He strikes Sarah mute for laughing at the thought of having a baby in her eighties, casts Adam and Eve out of Eden for disobeying Him, and shows sibling rivalry at its most extreme as Cain kills Abel. As a parent, I wonder if it shouldn't come with a Parental Advisory sticker. Despite its racy stories, it's opened a great dialogue between Hunter and me and even resulted in Hunter asking for a meeting with our priest.
Hunter is trying to measure holiness

After finishing his favorite Wendy's sandwich, Hunter said, "Mom, I think we're the most holy of the Graffams." I had to laugh at his assessment and quickly take the teaching moment to share that holiness is not measured by the amount of time one attends church or talks about religion and spirituality. So much of what makes us "holy" is our God-given divinity. In our case, we believe in the Trinity; the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. It's that Holy Spirit that we believe resides within all of us and gives life to God's church.  It connects us to God and Jesus and graces us with divinity, or what Hunter would call, "holiness."

I think some of the holiest people are also people you are unlikely to find in a church. For example, I know that although Donna is not as inclined to be in church every week, she has a deep and abiding faith and belief system. Sometimes I wish she would attend more often, but I have come to respect that how she exercises her relationship with God is different than how I do it. 

Skye loves going to church and enjoys learning prayers and songs about our faith. Sometimes when she prays, she extends her arms toward the sky so that she can hug Jesus. Recently, she was heart broken that she couldn't feel Jesus hug her back. So, I reminded her that God is in all of us and I hugged her and asked if she could feel God's love. That's what consoled her and helped her understand the Holy Spirit concept a bit better.

And Hunter's eagerness to learn more fuels his hunger for answers to questions about morality and spirituality. So, he is eager to start attending J2A and Rite 13. I'm so glad he will have that space in which to explore matters of faith and spirituality. But I have to disagree with him that we are the most holy of the Graffams. I believe his assessment comes from having watched me deliver a sermon on Gay Pride Sunday in June and knowing how important church was in my life growing up and remains today.

I hope that as Hunter learns more, he'll realize that one's holiness can only be measured by God. And the beauty of our faith is that all we need to do is believe in Christ to have everlasting life. My young theologian will have a lot of questions around that and much more, I'm sure.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

"Squeeze Harder!"

Donna and I often joke about our different parenting styles. Hers is a model of tough love, punctuated with passionate displays of playful affection with both of our children. My approach is more business-like, punctuated by quiet tender moments with both of our children. I'm more easily tagged as the pushover, while she's affectionately known as the drill sergeant.

Recently, Hunter was having a hard time getting toothpaste out of the tube. The bathroom is right beside my office and Donna and I were talking in there when Hunter yelled out, "Mom, I can't get the toothpaste out of the tube!" Donna's immediate response was, "Squeeze harder!"

Hunter replied, "Great advice, Mom. Squeeze harder.  . . I never would have thought of that." His response was laced with sarcasm, which both Donna and myself are pretty darn adept at using, and Hunter has honed to an art as he races into pre-teen adolescence.
Donna just wants Hunter to Squeeze Harder!

Donna and I laughed, but there is an important lesson in that bit of parenting advice. Hunter and Skye both have to figure out how to get the toothpaste out of the tube of life, too. We won't always be here to help them figure out the challenges they confront. They need to figure out how to either get a new tube of toothpaste or find a creative way to get what's left out of the old one.


I wish all of their challenges will be as simple as being smart enough to get the toothpaste of the tube. Unfortunately, that toothpaste tube will morph into getting into college and then taking what they've learned in college and finding a job.

As I watch our global economy, the job prospects for our children will change dramatically. I wouldn't be surprised at all if our children will be doing something once only shown on Star Trek episodes. I hope they have the skills to compete. It feels like our country has been on a fast track of outsourcing and we really need to find ways to invest in our own people again.

All of those challenges still come back to figuring out how to "squeeze harder." We can't settle for mediocrity, which can creep into all aspects of our life like a cancer, undermining our collective ambition and persistence. I pray that Hunter and Skye find ways to squeeze harder and realize from their efforts can come a wonderful life they built all by themselves.