Monday, March 25, 2013

"I'm glad you married her."

 Skye's laughter filled the room on Sunday as Donna and I were talking to one another from separate rooms in our home. Donna was being her usual sarcastic self and I was slinging back comments to her and at one point called her a creep. This odd term of endearment is what set Skye off and caused her to say to me, "I'm glad you married her."

I can't even remember what caused me to call Donna a creep, but my response to Skye was, "Oddly enough, Honey, I'm glad I did too." If it's one thing that Donna brings to our family, it's laughter. She's one of the most witty, outrageous comics I've known. People who know here well question whether she missed her calling because she's such a joker.

Donna wanted to know why Skye was happy I married her and Skye's reply to that question was, "Because you're funny, you're hysterical, and you're hilarious." Now, for you vocab-lovers out there, the three reasons she listed may seem redundant. But, to Skye, there are distinct nuances. I will pare it down and translate it to mean, Donna is hysterically funny. She has us all laughing to the point of tears at times and that is where the hysterics come into play.
Donna keeps all of us laughing

Donna loves to have fun. And she loves to hear her loved one's laugh. It's music to her ears. So, you'll hear a lot of it here in the Graffam home. Donna has a way of finding the idiosyncrasies in her loved ones and using them to her comical advantage. For example, she tells me and anyone in earshot that when I drink a glass a water, I drink like an elk. Now, Skye takes great pleasure in telling me repeatedly, that I'm like an elk. Not exactly a parallel I like being drawn, but when you live with an animal expert (Donna manages the zoo keeping staff at the Queens Zoo), one that I can't seem to avoid.

Donna also likes to use physical humor to get a laugh. So, her exaggerated parody of a carnival dancer  sends anyone into laughter. Especially when it's done as she's loading or unloading the dishwasher.

So, like Skye, I am also glad I married Donna. She's kept the past nearly 13 years of marriage tethered in fun and humor and I've found it's a critical ingredient to our success. I'm so glad I get to continue the journey and look forward to the next comedy act. With Donna, you never know what you're going to get.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

"You know what's cool? Hugging your mom."

Okay, you grizzled parents, I'm anticipating your eye rolls as I type, but this is what my 11-year old told me this morning, just as he came in for a hug, before he left the house for school. "You know what's cool? Hugging your Mom." He's such a great kid and I'm so proud of the young man he is becoming.

Don't get me wrong, Hunter's very typical in many ways; focused on fashion, showing an interest in the opposite sex, obsessed with his X-Box 360, and finding humor in the likes of "The Simpsons" and "The Regular Show," but his connection with his feelings and his innate knowledge of when I need a hug is one of the many ways that make him so incredibly special and why I often say I want to be like my son when I grow up.

I hope he never stops those moments of affection. He still walks arm and arm with me in parking lots and in the grocery store. He still tells me he loves me. And he still tries to hold Donna hostage at bedtime with promises of back rubs to avoid going to sleep alone (he's often successful). I hope he can maintain the confidence it takes to show affection and take the grief it may bring from his peers. He's one of the most passionate LGBT allies I've been blessed to know and doubly-blessed to call my son.
Hunter still believes it's cool to hug his parents

He is already planning how he'll dress for the NYC Pride Parade in June. Last year, he rode with Donna in the parade and caused quite a stir. He's so proud of his family and despite admitting he wished he had a dad, he's never wished me away. Instead, he celebrated when we were on the cover of Gay Parent Magazine more than a year ago, exclaiming, "I'm famous!" And he was so excited when MTV was planning a reality show about gay parents and contacted us about possibly being part of it. They ultimately canned the idea and Hunter was heartbroken because he wanted the chance to show the world how cool we are.

Hunter leads with his heart and demonstrates in a very profound way what caring and compassion is about by checking on the well-being of his classmates and dear family friends without our even knowing. We find out about it from his guidance counselor and the dear family friend sometimes weeks and months after the fact.

I can only pray that the world is as kind to Hunter as he is to the world. If it follows his lead, his future will be so bright, we'll all need shades.