Sunday, April 21, 2013

You are not alone.


Two weekends ago, I was surrounded by family and friends in my home state of Maine. My mother turned 60 years old this year and I was fortunate enough to help host a surprise party for her. I drove up with Skye on Friday, April 5th, and we spent nearly a solid week enjoying laughter and good-natured mischief as we dodged my mother's regular routines to stay undercover until Sunday, the day of her party. We shared her special day with nearly 50 people, all of whom got to share the connection they had to her. My mother is loved and it was so touching to see how much.

At this stage in my life, the reason for family gatherings of that scale are usually prefaced with the death of a loved one and the laughter is sprinkled in between grief-stricken tears as family and friends come to pay their last respects. So, it was refreshing to return home for a joyful reason and to have the person who was the center of attention present to enjoy it all. It was also refreshing to be completely myself, and still enjoy the love and acceptance of my family.

At one point as we were preparing to surprise my mother, those of us from out of town were hiding, in of all places, a closet. So of course, I couldn't pass up the chance to say, "This is the last time I'll be in the closet." It got a big laugh, and I felt loved for ALL of who I am, not just the "comfortable" parts.

Another highlight of my week home was the opportunity to meet a new friend, who was dating an old friend (relative to the time I've known her, not her actual age). The connection was very coincidental. The new friend met my best friend Sue earlier this year and they quickly grew close. This young woman recently came to terms with her sexuality and Sue shared my blog, which helped her along her journey. She decided that it was time to be authentic about who she was and took the step of joining an online dating service to meet someone. She did, and that someone happened to be a friend from my days of attending church at East Orrington Congregational Church.

As I sat around Sue's table enjoying conversation with them, it struck me how important it was to share that moment with all of you who are reading this now and may not feel the same kind of readiness to come out. I remember when I was growing up that I was scared to death to reveal my sexuality. That was nearly 25 years ago and I wish I had known then that I was not alone. When I was growing up in Orrington, I was convinced I was the only gay person in town. Looking back, that belief couldn't be farther from the truth. Over the past several years, more and more of us have come out and claimed our truth. There is such power and a strong sense of community in that shared decision to be true to ourselves.

Had it been more welcoming in my hometown to be gay, I probably would have started my journey a lot sooner. As it is, I'm blessed that I can share my journey with others now, and help other GLBT people find their truth, whether in small town America, or in India, Turkey, Singapore, China, England, Canada, Brazil, Germany, or the other countries in the world that have connected to Out in Suburbia. I hope the promise of a safe community of trusted friends (and hopefully, family), gives those people struggling with whether to come out because of concerns about personal safety and fear of family rejection some comfort that there is support out there.

You are not alone. So, please, take comfort in that fact and know that you are part of a community made up of special people who are artists, teachers, nurses, doctors, business professionals, members of our armed services, and countless other people you encounter everyday. We are everywhere, so there is no way you would ever be alone.