When I asked him why they were so interested in meeting us, he explained that he had been talking about us a lot. Cautiously, I asked him what he had been telling them. "Oh, that you're lesbians and that you tell funny, but corny, gay jokes."
I gulped and silently counted to ten before I responded. "Hunter, why did you share that?" He answered, "Because you're cool, and you do tell corny gay jokes."
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| Two of the coolest people you'll ever know |
Inwardly, I groaned and reminded myself to ask Donna what kind of jokes she's been telling, because I don't recall any of recent memory. Then, I found myself struggling with the internal dilemma of walking into the school and introducing myself to his teachers with the dubious distinction of being "Outted" already. Generally speaking, I'm comfortable with people knowing I'm gay, but I sometimes have a hard time with Hunter's sensational promotion of his parents. He's a typical 12-year old in his flair for exaggeration. What's atypical (from my personal experience) is his complete lack of inhibition about having same-sex parents.
I'm quickly learning that I better learn to get over it. And I'm also finding myself more introspective about why I have an issue with his pride. I think my issues stem from wanting to protect him from people's ignorance and negative responses to his openness. However, from what he's shared, he's not encountered any negativity in the times he's shared details about his unique family.
I must also sheepishly admit that I struggle with my own internal homophobia. If I'm honest with myself, I prefer the term "gay" over that of "lesbian." Academically I can claim that's because of the misogynistic culture I have lived in where anything feminist in nature was automatically scrutinized for a lack of femininity. A lot of people still believe a woman has her place, and if it's not next to a man, then there's something wrong with her. Emotionally, I'm afraid of being seen as less worthy and less important if I lead with the lesbian label. I don't want to be known as the lesbian mom, I just want to be known as Hunter's and Skye's mom.
Plus,the term gay also means happy. And I really am happy that I can live authentically and don't have to spend time in a closet any longer. I'm getting more comfortable in my own skin. I just have to get over labels and not buy into the cultural stereotypes.
Friends help with that journey of acceptance. When we met Hunter's Language Arts teacher, we were with another mom whose daughter has been a friend of Hunter's since kindergarten. As we introduced ourselves to his teacher, she lit up and said, "He loves you guys SO much and talks about you all the time!" Our friend added, "These are two of the coolest people you'll ever know." How sweet is that? I guess I really do need to get over the lesbian label when we get endorsements like that.
